I Hate The St. Louis Cardinals -Chad Errio

Me hating the Cardinals has nothing to do with being a Cubs fan. I hate everything about St Louis, except Budweiser....... 

Cub fan's prayer

Our The-sus in the Clubhouse
Hollow by thy name
May a World Series come
With the trades you've done
In Wrigley as it has in Fenway
... Give us this season our daily wins
Forgive us our bad contracts
as we trade them to the Yankees
Lead us not into the division cellar
and deliver us from the curse!

AMEN!

During the NFL season I say fuck Wisconsin

Dear President Obama;

Since Wisconsin turned full on red state in the midterms and is suing to have your healthcare planned repealed; can we pretty please NUKE THEM OFF THE FACE OF THE FUCKING PLANET!!! It will help you with your image as a pussy (yeah dude, you kind of come off as a pussy right now) and you'd definitely win Michigan & Minnesota for destroying the home of the Packers and all those super-lactose laden fucktards that live there. You'd also save the MLB because you'd stop the Brewers from boring the shit out of America in the World Series and you'd likely kill Bud Selig too! All-in-all it's a win-win scenaio. I guarantee no republican will give you shit after that! Thanks for your time, God bless America!

Sincerely;
A fellow Bears fan.

Addiction - Jon David

I have been struggling with an addiction. I am helpless against it's grip on my life. I don't know where to go from here but I have to get over this to move on with my life.

Men's Room Etiquette- Chad Errio

I don't mean to sound crazy, but it's time someone laid out the ground
rules for the Men's Room. Guys know what I'm talking about, and
ladies, here's a glimpse of what runs through our tiny little heads.

A message for Match.com & Chemistry.com users - XL

 By Xavier Lamont 

Dear online dating users:

      1st I'm sorry that eHarmony rejected you. Why else would you use Match or Chemistry?
2nd if you're an attractive woman using these sites understand why a man may be suspicious. No one likes surprises & chances of you being: a stage 5 clinger, a baby &/or a marriage crazy psycho, a stalker, or even a man posing as a woman is a real possibility. If you are asked for more proof...err pics it's only because a hot woman that can't find a guy is like a sports car nobody wants; it either cost too much to keep or something really major is wrong with it!

Beer Snob - Jon David

I can't help my tastes. I like Kevin Smith movies. I think Michael Parks is amazing in any movie he's ever been in. I have Static-X and the Kaiser Chiefs in a playlist right now. I wear shoes you see in the X-games. I use Ubuntu. I think coffee without a lovely caramel creamer sucks shit. South Park over Family Guy. Michio Kaku is Stephen Hawking's bitch. I can't just jerk off to anything, I need to find just the right video even if it takes me an hour, usually a video that includes brunettes and regret. I hate jazz. Chick drinks are delicious, UV Blu and lemonade...O-M-G. I use "..."  way too much. And I am a lonely beer snob.

When The F*ck Did I Get This Old?- Chad Errio

When did I get this old? I don't know when it happened, but it happened. I've come to the horrifying realization that I am slowly turning into my grandfather. Not my father, he still acts like he's 25. He's in phenomenol shape for 67, looks like he's 50, and works circles around the 20 year olds he pours concrete with.
Me on the other hand....... Its like some cruel remake of 18 Again with George Burns. I'm already smoking cigars. And my dogs name is Gracie. (You either get the reference or you don't.)

Dress For Success - Jon David

It's been happening all around the country for several years now: Public schools mandating a dress code. In my hometown it's happening now. Public school students must wear Navy Blue with Khaki pants.

The program is called Dress for Success. The principal at my son's school addressed a gym full of parents with what she sees as the program's strong point:


 "When children get off the bus, you can't tell who is white, black, Asian, or green. They are all equal now."

Chad Errio- I'm Too Fat For Skinny Jeans

We took the kids shopping for school clothes this past weekend. You can find any kind of outfit, for any occasion, in any store for kids. So that part went smoothly. The problems started when I tried to find clothes FOR ME. You see, I'm lucky if I go shopping once a year. I wait until I REALLY need to go, then I replace everything all at once. I know its not the most efficient way to shop, but it works for me.

I Be tawkin ta muh frenz on fasebook ah da ti - Jon David

I learn a lot about people when I read what they write on facebook: their political ideals, their personalities, what mafia farm jewel bingo bullshit they want me to try, and most importantly, how ignorant they are.

Hunting at Ted Nugent's Sunrize Acres in Michigan - Nick Huffman

Even if you don't give a rat's flying ball sack about hunting, this story is still worth the read.

Cool Cat in the Top Hat Roast - Nick Huffman

Well, it felt a lot better than I thought it would to get back on stage.  I'm not gonna lie, I enjoyed my summer off.  To be perfectly honest, after the last D.O.C. show in Michigan City, IN, I honestly thought about quitting comedy for good.  The show went better than anything I projected ever seeing in the future. 

My multitasking is sad

From Jon David - It started innocently enough. I was just writing but for some reason I need to distract myself when I do it. Usually I write a line, sicken myself with how bad it sucks, then find something to do to take my mind off my failure. All the tabs I have open right now are a window into my soul: