Men's Room Etiquette- Chad Errio

I don't mean to sound crazy, but it's time someone laid out the ground
rules for the Men's Room. Guys know what I'm talking about, and
ladies, here's a glimpse of what runs through our tiny little heads.



Rule #1- NO TALKING
Period. A friendly nod is all the communication required. I don't care
if you're in the middle of a conversation as you walk into the
bathroom. I have seen guys stop mid sentance, use the bathroom, and pick up
right where they left off as they walk out. There are very few occasions
when talking is allowed, but like your Mom taught you, never talk to a
strangers. That's just creepy.

Rule #2 - URINALS
For this, we're going to pretend the urinal layout is as shown:

We'll list them as A, B, C, & D

Now stay with me, this is where it gets confusing. First one in the
bathroom must choose A. or D. Don't ask why, that's just the way it is.
The 2nd guy MUST choose C. if urinal A. Is occupied or choose A. if C.
is occupied.(same rules apply for B. if D. is occupied and visa versa.)
The only time it is acceptable to stand next to someone is if that is
your only option. Any other time, it means you're looking for a
boyfriend. And don't even think about choosing the furthest away, because that
just means you're a homophobe or hung like a 4 year old boy.
Be prepared to make a judgement call when more than one urinal is
occupied. Do NOT overlook the importance of your decision. You must decide
within seconds which person will finish first and then stand next to
him. If chosen incorrectly, you will end up peeing ackwardly close to
someone while they question your sexuality.

Rule#3 - STALLS
The only, and I repeat ONLY time an adult male should EVER pee in a
stall is if all the urinals are in use. (Does it really need to be
explained?) Anyone caught SITTING DOWN to pee will be beaten on the spot by
the Alpha Male of the restroom.

Rule #4 - SINKS
Just another urinal when at a concert or sporting event. If possible,
"flush" by turning faucet on while peeing. (Remember, your not a total
animal.)

Rule #5 - NUMERAL DOS
Courtesy flush- (nuff said.)
Out of T.P.? Don't ask the guy in the stall next to you. ( See rule #1)
Real men will use a sock. If your not wearing socks because you have
flip flops on, get up and go to the ladies room, because you obviously
have a vagina.

Rule #6 - HYGINE
News flash ladies-Most of the time we don't wash our hands. Unless we
piss on them, they are still clean. But guys, if you drop a deuce, scrub
up. Most men can't manage to wear a pair of underwear more than a
couple of times before it starts to look like a hazmat disaster, so at
least make an attempt to be somewhat civilized.

Anyone who does not follow the rules will be kicked in the balls
repeatedly and banished to the ladies room until his testicles drop. Any
additions or changes to the rules can be sent to me, where I will most
likely wipe my ass with them......