We took the kids shopping for school clothes this past weekend. You can find any kind of outfit, for any occasion, in any store for kids. So that part went smoothly. The problems started when I tried to find clothes FOR ME. You see, I'm lucky if I go shopping once a year. I wait until I REALLY need to go, then I replace everything all at once. I know its not the most efficient way to shop, but it works for me.
APPARENTLY, if you aren't 100 lbs soaking wet, you can't shop in half the stores in this country. Not trying to sound sexist, but I understand the logic in selling tiny, skimpy outfits or low riding jeans to women. And I feel bad that most women over 20 aren't built the way every model is...... But give me a break. I'm a guy....I can't even find a pair of jeans that fit me, BECAUSE I'M NOT BUILT LIKE AN ANOREXIC 14 YEAR OLD BOY. Seriously, I went into Areopostale, and the biggest jeans they had were a 34 inch waist...... I'm a 6' 1", 240 Ibs Sheetmetel Worker- I haven't had a 34 in waist since 8th grade. They told me, "Yeah, we get like, ten 30", 32", 34", and, like, two or three 36" and maybe, like, one 38" of each style." ........(Well can anybody, like, tell me where I can, like, find some fucking pants?) I had sales clerks from Old Navy, Abercrombie, The Buckle, even JC Penny tell me the same thing. I'm either going to have to start shopping at Walmart for all my clothes with the rest of this obese country, or start shooting up heroin so I can look like all the little nancy-boys that model for these stores.
Remember when some guys wore their pants so baggy you could fit another person in them? Fashion has gone 180 degrees now..... Now they make guys jeans so tight and low cut, Britney Spears wouldn't wear them. I found a pair of 36" waist jeans that fit in the legs, weren't too tight, and were comfortable, but the waist was cut so low, I had plumbers crack just standing there. And the sales clerk said," Those look great!" - Yeah, maybe if I was trying to pick up sailors at the pier.
When did it become "sexy" for guys to be skinnier than Ghandi on a hunger strike? A man should be able to defend his wife / girlfriend if he has too.... Not scream like a little bitch and hide in the corner, shaking like a fucking chihuahua.... I was watching Rescue Me the other day when Denis Leary (who I'm a big fan of) walks onscreen. He's a drinkin, smokin, fightin, cussin, firefightin MAN!.......... Then he takes his shirt off..... I've seen bigger guys on my sons t-ball team... WTF?!? - THIS guy is supposed to be a big bad firefighter? He's lucky he has bunker gear on in a fire, otherwise those sticks he calls arms would burst into flames. I thought the camera was supposed to add 20 pounds? I didn't know the FDNY made shirts in XS......
Shirts are a whole other pain in the ass. They make these shirts fit so well and look so nice on these pencil neck man boys. But if anyone with an ounce of meat on their bones trys on these things, you look like Chris Farley doing "Fat Guy In A Little Coat".
Look, I know I'm soft around the middle, ok? Thats because I'm not eating tofu and sipping on strawberry douche......I eat fried food and drink beer - LIKE A MAN SHOULD DO. I've got broad shoulders, so if I wear an X-large, its too tight. So I have to get a 2X. But anything bigger than an X-large hangs like a tent awning..... So I have the choice to look like a stuffed sausage or a homeless guy wearing Nick Huffman's hand me downs.
I did manage to find SOME clothes that fit and look pretty good, but I'm not sure if its worth all the trouble......So basicly, I guess what I'm trying to say is......Maybe I'm too old / fat / grumpy to wear anything "in style" anymore. Maybe I should just accept it and start shopping at K-mart. I hear the Blue Light has some great deals on Wrangler Jeans and velcro shoes........
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