When The F*ck Did I Get This Old?- Chad Errio

When did I get this old? I don't know when it happened, but it happened. I've come to the horrifying realization that I am slowly turning into my grandfather. Not my father, he still acts like he's 25. He's in phenomenol shape for 67, looks like he's 50, and works circles around the 20 year olds he pours concrete with.
Me on the other hand....... Its like some cruel remake of 18 Again with George Burns. I'm already smoking cigars. And my dogs name is Gracie. (You either get the reference or you don't.)

When I was 25, I drank like a fish & partied every night. Went to work every morning with little more than a slight headache. Now if I get drunk, I feel like I've been hit by a bus the next day. Not a regular bus either.... Motley Crue's tour bus.....Pulling a trailer...... And as I'm lying in the street suffering, Dave Matthew's tour bus drives by and covers me with shit.

At 25 years old, I was indestructable. I'm serious. I've wrecked so many cars, I'm the reason your insurance rates are so high. I've rolled cars, smashed trucks, dumped motorcycles, and walked away with nothing more than bumps and scratches. Now at 35 years old, I get hurt GETTING IN the car. When I got into the car last weekend, my back popped so loud I thought someone shot me. They must have because I could feel the bullet in my spine..... As I sat there with tears in my eyes, life flashing before me, I realized I hadn't been gunned down but was JUST GETTING OLD.

At 25, I was in the best shape of my life. I was 6'1", 230 lbs of (mostly) muscle, & had great hair. The only reason I didn't have six pack abs was because I was too busy drinking them. Now at 35, I'm still 6'1". I'm still 230lbs ( with an extra 20 on there somewhere). And my hair? Its all here. Its just not on my head anymore. Its moved to other more convienient locations. Convienient for my barber anyway..... For some reason my body has decided it doesn't need all that hair on my head. It has relocated it sporadically around my body. Apparently, I never had enough hair in my nose.... Now if I don't trim my nose hairs regualrly, the air whistling through it as I breath makes the dog howl. And I can't hear it because of all the hair in my ears - so I'm constantly yelling at her to shut up. And for some reason, the bald spot on the top of my head is the exact same size as the thick patch of fur that grows on the back of my neck.....

If a 25 year old uses drugs, he wants to have a good time. At 35 years old, I take drugs for my blood pressure because I don't wanna die...... Some 25 year olds drop acid for fun.- I take a pill to control my stomach acid.- Not fun..... At 35, I take multivitamins and try to eat healthier. At 25 I got all the vitamins & minerals I needed from beer & bar food. At 25 I could eat a donkeys ass if you gave me hot sauce. At 35, if I eat Taco Bell, I better be close to a bathroom.... For the rest of the day.

Everyday, I wake up and play a new game.... Find The Bruise.... I don't know where they come from. They just show up. I think all the bruises I should have had in my life are just showing up now... One at a time.... Now I get hurt doing nothing. I pinched a nerve in my neck last week. It hurt from my neck, down my arm, to just past my elbow. Ya know how? I SLEPT ON IT WRONG...... Apparently, I'm so out of shape, I can't sleep without hurting myself.

And don't get me started on kids / teenagers these days. Thats a whole nuther thing.....

To be continued another day.... Now? I'm gonna finish my beer & cigar.

Say Goodnight Gracie..........