When I wake up in the morning, before I do anything else, I feed this demon. Throughout each day I have to keep it satisfied or I become a monster. I am totally addicted to shit from the 80's.
My friends are no help. They watched me walk on stage so hopped on a bygone era and never said a word. Look how strung out I am on Thundercats in the photo above. No one ever seemed to notice or care that while my body was present, my mind was in a Saturday Morning 25 years ago. The tap dancing clown, smiling and joking on the outside, Snarf Snarfing on the inside.
I know now that I have a problem. I would always tell myself, "Just a little for my head" before I would slide 8 hours deep into an Alf binge. My wife made it clear how this was affecting those around me with a few simple caring words,"It's 4 in the morning asshole! We aren't having sex!"
A single moment of clarity was all I needed to see that, like ALF, I may never get get my hands on, or in, what I most desire if I continue down this path.
A little hit of Donkey Kong here, a little Super Mario Brothers there, and before you know it, saving the princess is all you care about. It becomes your life. But you never really save her because that dumb bitch gets captured in every god damn game. You just chase the high again and again. And so the downward spiral begins.
You go from jumping over barrels to jumping on mushrooms. Before you know it you're in a strange place doing strange things like The Trivia Monster just hoping you answer enough questions wrong that the monster breaks through the door, eats you, and ends this bad trip.
Like a Marty McFly nightmare, I go back to the past but I'm stuck in the future, fucking up the present. Doc Brown would slap the shit out of me if he knew what I was doing. Like any addiction, things snowball out of control really fast. The cartoons, the sitcoms, and the games, don't always get the job done.
Videos of commercials for Lazer Tag, Pound Puppies, and Bonkers are the backdrop for solving a Rubix Cube ten times, Yes I said solve bitch, completely red eyed doing a little Simon just to come down enough to go back to Alf and that thumb-tease whore of a princess.
I've heard that recovery is one day at a time. Will I ever stop watching Goonies, or playing Duck Hunt, will Alf ever eat some pussy? I don't know if I'll ever be able to answer those questions. For now, I just have to own my addiction and take each day as they come. Except for Wednesday because my Alf lunchbox is supposed to come UPS and I'm gonna rock that shit hardcore.
Radical.
If you need to over come this I'll take the hoodie. But no worries you're HOT so is your wife!
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